Why people want sex – or not – is complex. Good sex “forever” is NOT automatic for most people, no matter how happy the relationship is in other ways.

Low desire & low sex relationships

are among the most common complaints brought to marriage and sex therapy offices, and to many physicians. You may have been diagnosed with Hypo-active Sexual Desire Disorder - or as having a female sexual dysfunction. Research shows these diagnoses are scientifically unsound. Here’s why:

In 30% - 50% of cases, its the man who is not interested in sex - a fact largely unknown by the public and often unaddressed 

There is no scientifically established “normal” level of desire

There is no scientifically established "healthy" or correct amount of sex to have - or not have!

The situation is clinically described as

differing desire levels, or desire discrepancy: 

Interest in sex is lower for one person than for the other

 interest is lower than it was in the past

 interest is lower than one or both partners would like


Low desire and low sex relationships are no ones fault.

Many things cause lack of desire including illness, medications, age, childbirth related changes,

pain, past trauma, as well as many personal and situational factors that are not medically oriented.

Sex therapy can help with any of these causes and factors.


Lack of desire is not a dysfunction for women or men. Its a reasonable result of life components and events. 

There is no scientific, accurate definition of desire itself, let alone of “functional” desire, however,                   

            Low desire/low sex marriage is a problem if

partners have monogamous sexual commitments AND

low sex issues are impacting the relationship

low sexual issues are impacting either or both partners 

an individual or couple would like to have more interest in sex

You may not know if its "too late" until you consult with a certified sex therapist, but do consult with someone because

Symptoms of low sex relationships can cause break-ups:

Loss of closeness

Feelings of rejection, low self esteem

wondering if the low interest partner is having an affair

Feelings of guilt and sadness

Blaming & resentment

Not having fun together

Fear of losing the partner

Fear of hurting the partner

Avoiding the subject – and anything that might lead to it

Arguments and lack of communication - probably about many things

Confusion, pain, and upset

Lack of, or unsatisfactory (according to YOU!) connection & sex

Loss of trust and feelings of estrangement

Use of the “roommate” word...


If you are experiencing a serious problem, it will not improve with age. Call sooner, rather than later,but dont give up hope without consulting with a qualified professional.


707 819 2900                   lovehelp@me.com

You need complete and specialized information, understanding, sorting out, and to know what to DO. A qualified sex therapist may help you create or recreate an intimate connection with your partner while improving your overall relationship.